Facebook Wins.

According to one of the quizes i took:

You're more quiet and shy,now. Shy not antisocial. Once you warm up to someone, it's easier for you. You become more outgoing. You are indecisive, you're like, "whateve, it's cool." You're laid back, and you hate the drama, but yet you find it in your life more than you like. You use to be out going. You used to laugh a lot more. You had some life changing experiences that changed who you were...and you miss it.You are probably scattered brain or easily forgetting things. Clumsly as well. A walking accident if you will. You can be random, and somewhat morbid. You're favorite color is probably red, or something vivid. You have a different way of looking at things and understanding things. You are easy to talk to, and only take your problems to certain people. You like to have fun, but now scared to go all out. You let fear run your life. And you STILL dont know what or who you want. You're favorite saying is, "its complicated." You care so deeply about people. You're sensitive. You have a good heart. You get hurt a lot, and you often wonder if that someone really cares. Your special but you will never see it.


Red is not my favourite colour.

But that paragraph wins.

Neglect.

Think of me,
Think of me,
When you're out there.

I'm begging nice from my knees.

&& when the world treats you way too fairly,
it's a shame i'm a dream.

All i wanted was ....

Explain to me this conspiracy against me...

Where can I turn?

Cause I need something more.

- Just Turn It Off.

The Feeling.

I still:

like too many things and get all confused and hung up running from one falling star to another till I drop.

My life is based on true events.

I'll never miss it for the world.

I can't describe myself in just one word.

There's too many.

I'm simple yet so complex.

Flawed, crazy, lonesome, nervous all the time.

Yet, i'm still at my happiest.

That's all i ever wanted.

For now. At least i have it.

Till then,

Only God knows.

I'll never know.

You'll never know.

Anything can happen.

The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.

I scraped my knees while i was praying...

Hello fellow readers.

It's been too long since i last rambled on here.

Let's look at the last post, shall we?

School started and ended for me, this year.

It doesn't mean that my scholastic year is so over, no way. I like school, i like learning just not learning or be in the school or subjects i used to study about.

I don't miss my old school at all, as weird as it sounds. I like my life better now.

The lesson that i really learned from this experience is that; nothing, really nothing goes according to plan.

I highly suggest for you dear readers that if you're planning your whole life already, seriously you're wasting your time. I wasted mine and hopefully i'm done with that.

Be happy with what you have, be patient, clever and do what you think is right. Never do anything because someone told you so. It's your life, you're going to live it. Not your family, not your best friend or your boyfriend. It's all about you.

&& don't give a crap if someone tries to put you down or tries to make you feel inferior than them. That means that they feel scared shitless and much more inferior than you.

I guess that's it.

I'm happy, you're happy. =)

Take care,

xoxo S.

Brand New Eyes.

Dear You,

The last few days of Summer were the greatest, in fact they were so great that I didn't watch them go by. I had a good summer so far, a bit quiet but good.
I got mostly what i wanted from this Summer which were;
The Job, Rest & i've Experienced new things. Well we always experience new things but let's just say from my point of few, mine were a bit different. I got to know myself better; yes it might sound so lame. Get over it.

School started; finally!

It was exciting.

The classmates...well they look okay, i think?
One of them is really nice her name is Sarah. ^_^ I like it when i make new friends very easily.

I got to see last years' friends; it was a blast :D Same place, almost same clique so yeah!

Last but not least the external friends, HaHa! I mean the friends i've been with this summer, silly :P.

Audrey, which we're spending a lot more time together now, hopefully it will continue like that.
Luke, Paul, Glenn, jeez a lot more i can't think of them all! Oh and yeah last years' friends from my class.

It's really nice passing by the school hallways and wave, nod or stop to talk to some of your friends who are not in your class or you know them from somewhere.
Friends are nice and important. New friends are always welcome. =)

I think this is the sweetest note i've ever left on this blog, i mean by far...
am i right?
If not, oh well, correct me? :P

Take care dear friends & rest of the world.

xoxo
S.

No Regrets.

Why Hello there,

How are you? I hope you're feeling well as much as i do right now. Really.

The last couple of weeks have been a blast.
I've let go of myself; don't take it in the wrong way, actually it's a good thing.
I've let go of the things that made me feel miserable or insecure; now i feel like i'm in a boat in the middle of the ocean, floating, calm; at peace & rest.

Last night was amazing; it was probably one of the summer nights that i can remember right now in which i had no regrets in what i did. I didn't do anything special, i just felt normal, accepted and most importantly loved by my friends.
It was so wondeful seeing a couple of friends which i didn't see for months, thank you guys.

Thank you in all to all of the friends that bring me respect. =)

School is in like; 3 days. Wow. Can't wait actually. It's going to be a hell of a year for sure.
I'm looking forward to it and well; you never know what's going to happen. ;)

Well, What's the Problem?

Hello there,

I've been having such a blast these past few days and hopefully there's more to come.
I'm at my favourite spot. There's a beach over there; where that picture is taken, it's amazing. I don't know why i am so drawn to it, i just love it. In fact one of my dream date is over there. Haha. A walk down at the beach, dim lightning...Right. Let's move along...


Hush now, dearest one;
you know you like it here.
Knowing that you have all the power; freedom to climb all of the trees, jump up in the air.
You wish that the feeling doesn't feel too mutual.
At least you're feeling something instead of the numbness you constantly used to feel.
You're embracing your own company, you love it.
You always do when that happens.
Don't care about the others, they come and go. Just like always. comeandgo!comeandgo!
Why yes, of course, honey.

There is that lighthouse you go to every night.
Sit there quietly; not a single thought or a word comes out, nothing.
Just hearing the sea hitting the rocks.
Then you look up at the sky,
looks like the moon is talking to the stars, they shine brighter when they see you.
You smile softly at them.
Outside; right there it's a little bit chilly, you embrace yourself and you continue to look at the world around; at the future that is yet to come.

It's never over; remember that dearest one.

Silence.

Dear You,

I have no idea what to say. I'm loss for words and I think i lack the inspiration again.

Just so you know, i'm at peace with myself and with everything.
There is nothing left to say, i suppose.

I'm better off without you.

Just so you know; everything you see or hear; it's not always true.
Don't be a fool.

Looking forward to a lot of things....oh life. My life.

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.

With Love,

xox S.

Perspective & Inspiration

For Three days i spent most of the time staring at it. I just love it. The sentence, the glittery stuff, Jesus's face; all of it.

That picture was part of the inspiration that i felt.

Ana & Jean; I loved, i really loved your worships. They were the best. You were the ones that really got me into the Spirit of the whole Conference as i felt His presence.

Who knows what's going to happen next?

All i ever want is to grow much more strongly into His presence as i know that he will never ever let me down, he's the only one that i know he can't ever betray me or replace me even though i could be doing that to him. But He's perfect & i'm not.

In my travels I have found that those who keep Heaven in view remain serene
and cheerful in the darkest day. If the glories of Heaven were more real to
us,
if we lived less for material things and more for things eternal and
spiritual,
we would be less easily disturbed by this present life.

Go ahead & Talk, Your Words Mean Nothing.

Just a few thoughts:

First of - Friday = the best night of Summer 2009...well for now, i'm sure there will be more days. =) Soon, i hope.

It started off with an 'OhMyTickTickHeartDead', i got up sick, missed a day of work, which i missed so badly. Yeah, i like my job.
But, i got better & better. Thank You, Lord.
You allowed me to have my fun for the night. =D
Joslyn & Darren's wedding was really amazing. Awesome food, great service at church, just everything about it was wonderful! Congrats to the very happily married couple ^_^!

Oh && yeah, I of all taken & single girls; got the bridal flowers.
It was my dream to get these flowers since i were a little girl. I've always wanted them so badly that (i think) when i was so innocent & young i'd fight with my cousins to get them. Hah!

So i guess it was my time to shine last night, i loved every minute of it. Thinking back, i still do and when i look at the flowers, i smile; that my cheeks start to hurt a little bit. Still, i know that it's not my time to settle down, yet. Jeez no, i'm only 18 years old!

Of course a relationship can be nice, but i can feel a little intimitaded by it. I don't want to be the girl who clings to a particular guy and just stay that way making up my mind 'forever'. I don't know if forever exists, if it does, it's awesome, i want to have that. But recently, could be today, i've come to terms with myself that 'crushes' are not really good for me. They let you down, you get your hopes up for nothing, most times. Well in my case, i could be very unlucky but who knows, hah! Crushes = Fun vs. No Fun. Their fun is their sensation, how you feel around 'that' one guy. But unfortunately, there's the not so fun side of it. Disappointment.

Don't get me wrong, please, it's just my idea. My ideas are a lot, i think that no one dares to matchmake me with someone because i can be a bit confusing. I just like to prevent myself from getting hurt & feeling dissapointed. I try to keep myself happy around the company that i'm with.

I try to keep in mind; God's Plan for me. Whatever it is, i am very sure that i will get what i deserve, good or bad. It's just that. I'll have my shinny moments, i'll have stuff. I know i won't be happy with what i have, after all, no human is ever happy with what they currently have. We all want more and more, nothing is never enough, nothing can satisfy us.

But God, i think for me God always satisfied me. Never failed. When i'm stupid enough and say he did, i regret it, always. When i step inside at church, i always feel accepted, loved and happy.

The three things i always want from life & everyone. It's just hard, but well, at least i get it from One Great Person. ;)

Rant's Over.

Goodnight.

xoxo S.

All Your Plans & Reveries

Dear you,

I just closed the door, pulled up my hair, stopped the music and started to focus on what I am going to tell you now.

It's been a while since I wrote in this blog that I really hold close to me. Everything you read in here is my life, my experiences; just everything.
I've been lacking inspiration as well as lacking the feeling to write, I’ve been pretty much apathetic.

Motivation is the key to success. Agreed. The things I wanted to do this summer I am doing them; not all of them but still. I’m getting there and I love every minute of it.

Just very happy with my outcomes and with what I have. I don’t want to complain anymore; been there, done that. Having my happiness is much more important than most things that exist in the world.

Xoxo S.

Remember the time when you clung to yourself, you prayed to get there, you prayed for it to be over. You cried and asked yourself, ‘why me?’ The things you said and didn’t mean them made you look pathetic and you know it. You hid them from yourself and from the rest just to look strong, well look how well that turned out for you, yeah? But…wait…look at yourself now. You smile in front of the mirror and believe; believe in the things that you started pulling away from. The forest has vanished, that empty house, the dreams you thought that were fading away; they were just starting before you even knew it.

God loves you enough to get you back onto your feet. I bet He was the one who tried to talk to you back there at the house, remember? Do you? Of course you do. Pain is hard to let go of and just forget. But you’re done now. The reflection of yourself that’s displayed on the mirror is true, you are smiling, and you look good. Keep it up, would you? For me?

You will, I trust you.
You never give up, you always aim higher.

Headsup.

So different now.
Wow, just good. Great.

=)

See you in Summer.

The Control.

Have you ever felt that you're always seem about to lose control?
When sometimes you fail and you will, you say you won't do it again, you regret it then you just can't understand.

Fall in love or fall in hate.
Get inspired or be depressed.
Ace a text or flunk a class.
Make babies or make art.
Speak the truth or lie and cheat.
Dance on tables or sit in the corner.
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself. Breathe.
And enjoy the ride…

The ride is not always fun. You can't just embrace it.

I love my fantasy world more than anything, it's the only thing that doesn't do me harm or make me look pathetic.

The Outsider.

There comes a time where you start to think about your life all over, if there would be anything you would ever change.You'll start to think that this is so stupid to think about, yet you still do. Always bearing in your mind. Am i doing the right thing? Is this all wrong? Can't i just go back to when i was... Then you snap out of your day dream and be like, impossible. The happy times are gone. You're in the numbness now, the left one out, now.
Hey, hey, don't give up. Hold on, love.There will come a time when you'll get back on your feet again and you'll smile. That wicked smile of yours, that says; This is where i truely belong.

My heart is filled with love for...

...Music! :D

So i discovered a new band called VersaEmerge.
Well, think about Paramore, but well, they're not the same obviously!

They're amazing :D

Past Praying For is one of the best songs i love right now.

ooh and i got my Panic at the disco, Live in Chicago DVD! :D:D
Thanks mother for the best birthday present ever! <3

To share my joy :P;

I've been way too happy.

I've been really me.

I've forgotten all about my past as i am now, happy in the future.

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.

You can say anything about me
As you please…
But I am what I am
And that’s something,
That you can never be.

The Strong.

No matter how alone you feel, you need to be strong.
No matter how depressed you feel, you need to be strong.

No matter how frustrated you feel, you need to be strong.

No matter how happy you feel, you need to be strong.

Anything you do you have to do it because you're strong.

Don't let yourself to become weak.

Things will get worse.

We are all sinners, we're past that.

If you fall or fail once, make sure that next time you wouldn't.

Being Strong is the key for everything.

The impossible is somehow always possible.

On a great note;

I'm getting the 'Panic at the disco Live in Chicago' DVD =D

So stroked!

Question of the day: How do you feel right at this very moment?

My answer: Just Good. =) God works in amazing ways. Don't let him find you, go out and find him yourself. If you wait, you'll get nothing.

Insomnia is taking over.

I will not fight for you.
I will not forgive you.
I will always win over you.

I am not afraid of being alone. Never ever.
People come along in my life for a reason.
They also leave for a reason.
People come and go.

I will do things that I am proud of.

Love is not forever. But for just a long period of time.
We all die alone, in the end.

My Shit.

I have a twitter! :D

http://twitter.com/bambarella

Anyone can follow me, of course you have to have a twitter account too :P

****

www.myspace.combambarella

Myspace :D

****

http://ict.mcast.edu.mt/ictweb/stepabel/PersonalWebsite/

Website :D

****

http://xxstephymadnessxx.hi5.com

Hi5 :D

****

No Title.

All of this is disappearing before your eyes, before you even know it.
You can’t really find a way to explain yourself; you’re just feeling sick, tired and lost.

Imagine yourself in the woods, long trees, harsh branches, lions, or any frightful creature that can exist…and you’re running, running and never looking back, trying to forget but the pain is too deep.

Then you find a house, you knock but you get no reply, you realize that the door is open so you step inside, still feeling lost and frightened. Then you realize you’re finally not alone and there is someone there for you. You’re still afraid of asking for their help, just because you can’t trust anyone. Not this stranger, not a soul. When they talk to you, all you try to do is block them out so you won’t let them in. They can’t understand and you can’t either. You start to think again, how when you trusted you got hurt. You get angrier and you keep on blocking them no matter how much alone this makes you feel. You’re kidding yourself by saying to yourself that you’re going to be alright and I don’t need anyone to save me, I am strong. You remember when things were different. One day. That’s why in stories they start with a ‘Once upon a time…’ just because it’s only once, not twice or more. You’re always asking these questions and you’re still tired. You run away again, from the house, from the person. Then you close your eyes and you wish this is all a dream but it’s not. It’s real. Everything you see is real. You just want the pain and sadness to go away. You pray to God but now you are always doubt him. Something is very wrong. Very.

Stop. Stop. Stop! You’re feeling small now. You are thinking that God is there with you but you’re not sure. Yes, yes, he is, right? Maybe? And you ramble and ask him, ‘Why?’

You know that someone said that you are the problem. You’re thinking that it is right. You’ll change but it’s not easy, right? Then you’re thinking that it’s their fault too. For making you like this. The experiences you had faced made you this. No. No. No. You curl up by yourself, still hiding behind a huge tree. You’re itching, dirty, the beauty is washed away all of a sudden and you’re just feeling empty.

Wait. There’s more.

You still know that there’s hope. Deep down. You know that things will change for the better, maybe, right? You know you have to stop running away from the things you will someday love, eventually. But you’re too damn difficult. Damn it.

‘Just stop thinking about the bad things for a little while and hope for the better.’

Just when you said that precious sentence you wake up from the trauma and find yourself in your bed. How did this happen? No really, I have to stop asking questions and do something. Stop worrying, stop feeling insecure. Just stop it.

The fairytales you used to have were never real but this was. All the dreams you had, they're just dreams. A dream is a dream. There has to be a miracle for a dream to come true. Dreams are silly but they're fun, right?

Only time will tell.

The Wish List.

The things i want to do this summer are:

#1. Get a Full-Time Summer Job, great wage and a relaxing job Haha.

#2. Complete a Photography Course.

#3. Do Voluntary Work.

#4. Swim & Bbqs.

#5. Go to the Isle of MTV.

#6. Learn how to play the piano.

#7. Write a song.

I make plans to break plans, and I've been planning something big...planning.

I want Summer 2009 to be great. No, perfect.

But first, i can't wait for my brithday. I want that to be good too.

All We Know Is Falling.

Some things i'll never know.
I'm totally, absolutely, confusingly surpised...most of the time.

&& i have to let them go.

This isn't what you wanted. Is it?

The clock is still ticking, but i still have all the time i need.
Maybe...just maybe.

This is the fight i am winning.

Ohmygoshforgettingmyselfintoemberassingmoments. Haha!
Hmm.

It's the karma you're feeling and eating you alive. Deal with it.

Reflections.

I used to see and think some certain things differently, but these past 6 days that i've been sick, i've been doing a lot of thinking about...pretty much about everything that has been around me in my life.

I've learned a lot...surpisingly i didn't have to get out of the house to learn this much haha.

I've learned that i can't be always senstive towards others. If they're not bothered or not know that they're doing an action that is hurting me, i shouldn't bother to care either. Let them be. They'll come around, eventually or if not, just till let them be and treat them just as if nothing ever happened. I still have no regrets. I've said my many sorries and i tried the best i could, but it's up to them now.

I've learned that we all have our 'the world is going to end OMG! time' and that we feel like loners and no one loves us. That's a lie! That we tell to ourselves when we 'think' that we are falling apart. If something bad happens we'll move on, we all know we do.

What about close friends, friends...whatever the hack you call them. There are friends everywhere, they come and go, the feeling is pretty much mutual. Everyone is our friend! You don't need to trust everyone. I don't trust anyone. Shit happens when you trust therefore, i'm not trusting anyone as much as i trust my family.! I know that my family loves me more than anyone in the world. That's it. Friends are the to have fun and good times with. Leave the drama out and just chillax! :D

Boys...boys...oh haha! Who needs them? Pft. -puts on attitude mode- haha! No seriously, any girl that says 'I don't need a man' is a liar. I mean...okay we don't need men, ALWAYS. But there comes a time where we would like to be with someone and share silly/cute things with them. But...GROW UP! Don't go out and look for love. Let love come to you! Don't be silly! And yes all this applies to me.
I vow to myself and to all you readers that i will read this blog post whenever i'll feel like shit and when i finish i'll laugh and feel proud of myself.
I'm very much single and very MUCH happy about it and honestly, i don't care...as of now. I'm focusing on my career right now, i need the grades, i'm studying hard to get great grades so right now, i might not want to feel the pressure of commitment. But who knows what is going to happen in 5 minutes...? in 5 days? in 5 years? No one, just God. :).
When the time comes for me i am hoping to find someone who will understand me and likes me for who i am...also someone who i feel 100% comfortable with. I don't like playing with other peoples' hearts. I want to be loyal with myself and everyone.

Last but not least! God :)

He never changes.
He always forgives me.
I know for a fact that he will always love me.
I know that sometimes i don't feel him close to me, but i know that he's the only person that is better, marvelous in any way, even better than my own parents/family and i know that i can trust him and that he can always have his way with me.

Okay, ramblings over, dear you.

Till then, now i'm going to pull up my socks and get back to school and assignments XD
It's a long way to go ;)
Spring...then Summer! Oh, looking forward to that! ^_^

S.
xoxo

Paradise.

When i googled that word...this caught my attention:



Yes, i want to be in Paradise. Wherever it is, i wanna be there.

Close your eyes and imagine just like what i am seeing;

Peace, love, waterfalls, the trees, fresh air, warmth, calm, happyness.
It will be the best getaway ever.


But unfortunatly that can (probably) never happen unless you die and go to Heaven. There yes, you will find Paradise.


On another note:

+

This TV series and Brendon Urie = Love XD I've been so sick but they kept me unbored and happy. Haha!


Ciaooo.

S.

It's been a while.

Dear you,

I still feel sort of the same.
Some things never change and some people either.
There is always the good and the bad things in life.

I just know who are my real friends.
They might be a few but i know who they are and i thank God for them. =)

Thank you, God.
I still believe in You, in whatever You do.
You're just amazing.

Other than that; i don't care anymore. I only want to be happy.
Are you willing to make me happy? If not, don't even look at me.

PS: Jealousy sucksssssssss. I pity you.

PSS: I'm so sick, Ew. :(

S.

The Boredom Cliche.

The more i think, the more confused i get & i really hate it.

You only live once.
^ that's the statment i would like to register in my mind and keep it as my motto and apply it to my everything.

I admit, i want to find the excitment in life, because lately i haven't been feeling it...
...no wait, only one person made me feel that way and it was God.
Call me religious or whatever word you'd like to call me, still, i don't care.

Still. I'd like an adventure. You know...the fairytale thing.
No, no, not involving the subject of: Love.
I am not ready for that. Now i know.
I don't want to think about it, at the moment.
I want to be someday and i know i will be.

I just want something to look forward, school is one of them...my career, i just need something else. It could be anything, it could be love, but lately, i doubt it and i want to make myself think that way as of now.

I want a world full of happyness, not jealousy.
I hate, hate, hate jealousy.
If you think you're with God and you're a jealous person, think again. Think harder.
I admit, i used to get a little jealous over silly things, but now, not anymore.

I just want to make sure what i want from life and appriciate whatever God planned for me. Life is about the ups and downs, we all get them. No one is truely happy all the time. Face it; Stop being jealous and get a life.

Do you feel depressd? Unhappy? Uncertain?
Find someone to talk to, it could be your friend or even God! Let him in!
Don't be stupid, let him help you.

If you want to do something, go out and do it. (A good thing eh.)

Also, dear reader, never give up.

Don't waste your breath on some people, or caring about them, it's just not worth it.
But...
...always fight for whatever you think is best for you.

xoxo
S.

The Life.

I really need assistance to this thing.

The Truth.

Dear you,

This is The Change in me.

I might not be too cool for you just because i am a believer.
I might be everything you didn't expect me to be because i am a believer.

Past experiences are making me stronger and knowing much more about myself.
I am growing into myself.
I am knowing what i want and what i believe in.

God is simply amazing.
God is love.
God is in me.
I can't explain so much about this...but, he is the best. The best friend.
My bestfriend is not my mother or my friends...no, it's Him. Always was and always will be.

I don't care whatever you say.
This is me.
Deal with it.

Love,

S.

I love Jim Morrison.

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”


This is exactly how i feel.

The Urges.

This is a pure, so true, so amazing; fact.

I'm writing too much and rambling in my writing that, i just can't stop.

Writing keeps me going.

Keeps my mind active and when i write, i might feel brave.

Writing is the getaway...

...the getaway when i'm feeling stressed out and a little bit insecure.

I don't know, it calms me too.

This is me.

...the clock is ticking...

tick tock

Do something idiot.

tick tock

No i mean it.

tick tock

Baby, it's only your loss.

you know you love me,

xoxo S.

Open Happiness.

It's so overwhelming and terrifying.
The mad ones are not the ones who are mad to love, they are the ones who are mad to be loved.

Sometimes...someday, one day.
Bliss. Pure Bliss.
The heart is flying, flying solo, it's open, sometimes...sometimes it's closed.

Yet, it is still overwhelming and terrifying.
What's going on? How? What? Seriously? Oh my.

Most of us are so blinded with everything that goes around us that, most of us;
forget who we were.
from where do we come from.
forget their limits.
All this materialisim makes you so blind...you cannot see, so you crave for more.

The good and the bad memories are there to remind you who you are not to hurt you or make you miss them. They've built you up. You are part of them. You are them.


xoxo Steph.

Deet. Deet.

J'ai essayé tout que je pourrais ! mais non, vous ne pouvez pas comprendre que moi et vous savez pourquoi.

Grandissez !
Grandissez !

Enough of this, i'm sick and tired and quite frankly, i don't care anymore.


J'ai besoin de ma patience davantage que n'importe quoi dans le monde en ce moment.

Weekend is here, tomorrow is making me happy again.

Thank you, Lord for giving my wonderful friends.
:)

Everything happens for a reason. It's God's plans for me.

I am not scared of love.
I am not scared of being with someone.
Oh no.

I'm just terrified of myself.

I'm too complicated for my own good.
anything i can touch i might ending up ruining it.

I don't want to be a monster, no.

I don't want to give up on beautiful things that no one can really explain.

I'm just not ready yet.

Sometimes...

...I'm too afraid of myself.
It's the disapproval feedback you get from just everybody else.
Remind yourself that this is stupid...
...but you cry yourself to sleep,
you won't sleep unless you do something about it.
You hate about thinking it.
You used to hate if that will ever happen and you ask yourself,
'what am i going to do now?', 'why did i let this happen?', 'why do i feel so fucked up?'

Then you realise, you need help.


Don't ask. I just wanted to write. It's what i do best, i think.

Ta.
Steph.
xoxo

=)

I love the new year already.
So much.
=)

I never thought i'd start the year 2009 like this.


steph
xoxo