No Title.

All of this is disappearing before your eyes, before you even know it.
You can’t really find a way to explain yourself; you’re just feeling sick, tired and lost.

Imagine yourself in the woods, long trees, harsh branches, lions, or any frightful creature that can exist…and you’re running, running and never looking back, trying to forget but the pain is too deep.

Then you find a house, you knock but you get no reply, you realize that the door is open so you step inside, still feeling lost and frightened. Then you realize you’re finally not alone and there is someone there for you. You’re still afraid of asking for their help, just because you can’t trust anyone. Not this stranger, not a soul. When they talk to you, all you try to do is block them out so you won’t let them in. They can’t understand and you can’t either. You start to think again, how when you trusted you got hurt. You get angrier and you keep on blocking them no matter how much alone this makes you feel. You’re kidding yourself by saying to yourself that you’re going to be alright and I don’t need anyone to save me, I am strong. You remember when things were different. One day. That’s why in stories they start with a ‘Once upon a time…’ just because it’s only once, not twice or more. You’re always asking these questions and you’re still tired. You run away again, from the house, from the person. Then you close your eyes and you wish this is all a dream but it’s not. It’s real. Everything you see is real. You just want the pain and sadness to go away. You pray to God but now you are always doubt him. Something is very wrong. Very.

Stop. Stop. Stop! You’re feeling small now. You are thinking that God is there with you but you’re not sure. Yes, yes, he is, right? Maybe? And you ramble and ask him, ‘Why?’

You know that someone said that you are the problem. You’re thinking that it is right. You’ll change but it’s not easy, right? Then you’re thinking that it’s their fault too. For making you like this. The experiences you had faced made you this. No. No. No. You curl up by yourself, still hiding behind a huge tree. You’re itching, dirty, the beauty is washed away all of a sudden and you’re just feeling empty.

Wait. There’s more.

You still know that there’s hope. Deep down. You know that things will change for the better, maybe, right? You know you have to stop running away from the things you will someday love, eventually. But you’re too damn difficult. Damn it.

‘Just stop thinking about the bad things for a little while and hope for the better.’

Just when you said that precious sentence you wake up from the trauma and find yourself in your bed. How did this happen? No really, I have to stop asking questions and do something. Stop worrying, stop feeling insecure. Just stop it.

The fairytales you used to have were never real but this was. All the dreams you had, they're just dreams. A dream is a dream. There has to be a miracle for a dream to come true. Dreams are silly but they're fun, right?

Only time will tell.