Go ahead & Talk, Your Words Mean Nothing.

Just a few thoughts:

First of - Friday = the best night of Summer 2009...well for now, i'm sure there will be more days. =) Soon, i hope.

It started off with an 'OhMyTickTickHeartDead', i got up sick, missed a day of work, which i missed so badly. Yeah, i like my job.
But, i got better & better. Thank You, Lord.
You allowed me to have my fun for the night. =D
Joslyn & Darren's wedding was really amazing. Awesome food, great service at church, just everything about it was wonderful! Congrats to the very happily married couple ^_^!

Oh && yeah, I of all taken & single girls; got the bridal flowers.
It was my dream to get these flowers since i were a little girl. I've always wanted them so badly that (i think) when i was so innocent & young i'd fight with my cousins to get them. Hah!

So i guess it was my time to shine last night, i loved every minute of it. Thinking back, i still do and when i look at the flowers, i smile; that my cheeks start to hurt a little bit. Still, i know that it's not my time to settle down, yet. Jeez no, i'm only 18 years old!

Of course a relationship can be nice, but i can feel a little intimitaded by it. I don't want to be the girl who clings to a particular guy and just stay that way making up my mind 'forever'. I don't know if forever exists, if it does, it's awesome, i want to have that. But recently, could be today, i've come to terms with myself that 'crushes' are not really good for me. They let you down, you get your hopes up for nothing, most times. Well in my case, i could be very unlucky but who knows, hah! Crushes = Fun vs. No Fun. Their fun is their sensation, how you feel around 'that' one guy. But unfortunately, there's the not so fun side of it. Disappointment.

Don't get me wrong, please, it's just my idea. My ideas are a lot, i think that no one dares to matchmake me with someone because i can be a bit confusing. I just like to prevent myself from getting hurt & feeling dissapointed. I try to keep myself happy around the company that i'm with.

I try to keep in mind; God's Plan for me. Whatever it is, i am very sure that i will get what i deserve, good or bad. It's just that. I'll have my shinny moments, i'll have stuff. I know i won't be happy with what i have, after all, no human is ever happy with what they currently have. We all want more and more, nothing is never enough, nothing can satisfy us.

But God, i think for me God always satisfied me. Never failed. When i'm stupid enough and say he did, i regret it, always. When i step inside at church, i always feel accepted, loved and happy.

The three things i always want from life & everyone. It's just hard, but well, at least i get it from One Great Person. ;)

Rant's Over.

Goodnight.

xoxo S.

All Your Plans & Reveries

Dear you,

I just closed the door, pulled up my hair, stopped the music and started to focus on what I am going to tell you now.

It's been a while since I wrote in this blog that I really hold close to me. Everything you read in here is my life, my experiences; just everything.
I've been lacking inspiration as well as lacking the feeling to write, I’ve been pretty much apathetic.

Motivation is the key to success. Agreed. The things I wanted to do this summer I am doing them; not all of them but still. I’m getting there and I love every minute of it.

Just very happy with my outcomes and with what I have. I don’t want to complain anymore; been there, done that. Having my happiness is much more important than most things that exist in the world.

Xoxo S.

Remember the time when you clung to yourself, you prayed to get there, you prayed for it to be over. You cried and asked yourself, ‘why me?’ The things you said and didn’t mean them made you look pathetic and you know it. You hid them from yourself and from the rest just to look strong, well look how well that turned out for you, yeah? But…wait…look at yourself now. You smile in front of the mirror and believe; believe in the things that you started pulling away from. The forest has vanished, that empty house, the dreams you thought that were fading away; they were just starting before you even knew it.

God loves you enough to get you back onto your feet. I bet He was the one who tried to talk to you back there at the house, remember? Do you? Of course you do. Pain is hard to let go of and just forget. But you’re done now. The reflection of yourself that’s displayed on the mirror is true, you are smiling, and you look good. Keep it up, would you? For me?

You will, I trust you.
You never give up, you always aim higher.