Pilgrimage of Hope - Rome 2010

Most people have been wondering what i have been up to on my Facebook account, posting picture of Rome and talking about this Pilgrimage of Hope. Well, keep on reading and you'll know all about my amazing adventure of a week at the last week of July.

Every day when I used to wake up, and always ask myself ‘what’s next today?’ Every day was so full of surprises, I was always thrilled to know and discover.

During that week, I honestly felt much closer to God. There was no one rushing me to do anything, I felt at ease most of the time unlike in my daily routine. I felt that some personal moments in my life were falling to place, like I was really destined to be with all the youths from different European countries no matter the language everybody spoke. We all had one passion and goal to learn, pray and discover. We were one big Carmelite family.

It was also interesting to learn more about the Carmelites as I never really knew or studied anything about them. Now that I had the opportunity to know more about the Carmelites; how they started, the Rule etc. I feel much more included in this community that I was part of for many years.

I also can never forget all of the people that I have met during this pilgrimage. Fernando Millan Romeral, the Prior General and also Fr John Keating, the best Carmelite leaders in which I can really look up to. They could always interact very well with all of the youths present.

Before going to Rome we were told that we might not see the Pope but on the last day of the Pilgrimage we had the phenomenal experience to meet him at Castel Gandolfo and pray with him.

I will never ever forget either the other youths that I have met from different European countries. I’ve gotten to know a little bit about their culture and their work back home as a Carmelite youth. I loved the fact that we always worked as a team. I never felt that I was alone.

Lastly, I will always be grateful to the Prior Provincial Fr Michael Farrugia O.Carm and Fr Joe Saliba O.Carm for giving me this wonderful opportunity and such amazing experience that I will never ever forget.

Up next - World Youth Day - Madrid 2011. I'm already excited. Trust me, it is a cool thing. Really.

Live in the moment of silence;
obey, help & trust in the Lord,
with a pure and honest heart.

Smile like you mean it.

It’s easy to say that you’re happy. We all know that words are way too far from the truth and can manipulate how we actually feel. If you’re always optimistic in life, you will go on as long as you want to. Don’t cry over yourself or lie to make yourself look better with pathetic words. Be ambitious, be whoever you want to be, even if you will get more enemies than friends in return. Who cares, honestly? You’d rather have just one friend rather than a lot of ‘friends’ who’s their everyday plan is how to screw you over.

Get a grip.

Keep your eyes wide open.

Good Byes? Who needs them?
Well, there comes a time where have to say ‘good bye’. There the hard way and the well…better way. I think goodbyes are much more effective than saying hello. Goodbye means you’re starting over or you’re moving on to the next big thing in your life. Don’t be so scared. It’s the end of the world. Do what you have to do even if you shed a tear or two. In time when you’re looking back you’ll say, ‘it was so worth it’.

Maybe yesterday you weren’t so happy, but today you stopped being so mystified about everything that has been going on and you finally decided. Oh the joy of that smile that’s shinning and hurting everyone’s eyes!

Summer 2010.

&& It's another summer!
It's funny because I still remember last summer as if it all happened yesterday.

&&& I feel like the world is awakening...
...waking up to the light.

Once a dreamer, always a dreamer.
Mystified? at best.

Dream and live till your very last moment in time.
Whisper...
...they can't hear you. (:

Close your eyes with me and just picture the night. no not the day, the night. It's so beautiful. Come on, let's go down to the beach, drink some wine. Mmm. I'm already tasting the sweetness in my mouth. Now, let's take a walk. The water is hitting our feet. Brr. It's cold! But so worth it ;).

Sleep + A little bit of Relaxation + Great Nights = Summer.
I want to. I have to. I got to.

courage.passion.hard work.

It's been a while since my last blog, my apologies dear reader.

But i can tell you how has my life been going.

I grew older, i feel much more happier, i got busy-ier, oh and my nails are growing too! =D

Life is like a rollercoaster ride; it's scary, exciting, mind blowing.

Criminal Minds & Doctor Who are still the most amazing shows on earth. They always leave you hanging after each episode and you just crave for more and yes, you hate waiting. Then again, I always wonder when and how they're going to end. The feelings of the everyday life sort of, isn't it?

There are a lot of people who call you by your name.
But there is only one person who can make it sound so damn special.

I am who i am today is because of the choices i made yesterday.

I don't blame you for being you.

You like being in control of every situation possible. You strive for it if you're not. You want to be noticed, in fact you are, you're just not appriciated enough. Contol and apprication are two different emotions yet we combine them together. They clash, they can never be in the same sentence, even.

Control is the ability to have power. Ah, yes, power. Power is important to you sometimes it's much more important than control, it's as if you're going to use it to save the world, but really, you only need it to save you and your feelings.


Carefree, they're those people who does not care what goes on around them. Free mind and spirit. They are fearless. Their eyes are happy, sometimes emotionless but somewhat still content. They are in control of some certain situations, still. Everyone has that ability in them, that's why there's limts. Sometimes they think, but not too much. They don't hold on or fight to win, they let go. They jump, leap, they are the peaceful ones. Their life is not a blur, they sleep at night while you are still thinking how to win over.

In the end, they don't care about your power or control and only care how to free their mind and heart; no bruises. Just memories. Maybe.


They don't want to want.
They don't need to need.

You should try it, you'll feel much better. Still, i really don't blame you for being you. You should never ever lose hope, you'll end up the biggest loser.

You read my mind, i appricate you, but that does not mean you have any control over me.

Second Month of the New Year.

So far, so good.

It's been too long again dear you,

I've been lacking the creativity, or maybe not; just not having the time.

But today, i needed to vent, so i did.

Sometimes I really get the urge to scream.
I scream in the inside a lot of times. Out of frustration, out of happiness.

This life is too exciting, yet too risky business.

Every year, every month, every day, every second, something happens for a reason.
I don’t think so,

I just think that you just create and control your own reality.

You’re on a bus thinking about how you got here. Then you’re at home in your room sitting quietly staring at nothing-ness thinking the same thing you were thinking this morning. How the hell did you get here?

You need so much and when you have it you just want to lose it and forget it. You always remember but you still risk it.

No matter what, you know you live in misery business. (Sometimes atleast.)

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010.

I simply still cannot believe that i'm staring a New Year.
I have no idea why i feel so surprised.

2009 was a one hell of a year, yet it was still nice.

I have no resolutions. I think they're pointless and if i make one, i know that i will just let myself down.

I'm hoping that 2010 will be a better year for me, then again, i always say this when a new year comes.

I think this year, i'm just going to sit, be calm, relaxed and whatever happens, just happens.

Life is full of surprises. This year won't be any different.

Happy New Year dear reader.

Facebook Wins.

According to one of the quizes i took:

You're more quiet and shy,now. Shy not antisocial. Once you warm up to someone, it's easier for you. You become more outgoing. You are indecisive, you're like, "whateve, it's cool." You're laid back, and you hate the drama, but yet you find it in your life more than you like. You use to be out going. You used to laugh a lot more. You had some life changing experiences that changed who you were...and you miss it.You are probably scattered brain or easily forgetting things. Clumsly as well. A walking accident if you will. You can be random, and somewhat morbid. You're favorite color is probably red, or something vivid. You have a different way of looking at things and understanding things. You are easy to talk to, and only take your problems to certain people. You like to have fun, but now scared to go all out. You let fear run your life. And you STILL dont know what or who you want. You're favorite saying is, "its complicated." You care so deeply about people. You're sensitive. You have a good heart. You get hurt a lot, and you often wonder if that someone really cares. Your special but you will never see it.


Red is not my favourite colour.

But that paragraph wins.

Neglect.

Think of me,
Think of me,
When you're out there.

I'm begging nice from my knees.

&& when the world treats you way too fairly,
it's a shame i'm a dream.

All i wanted was ....

Explain to me this conspiracy against me...

Where can I turn?

Cause I need something more.

- Just Turn It Off.

The Feeling.

I still:

like too many things and get all confused and hung up running from one falling star to another till I drop.

My life is based on true events.

I'll never miss it for the world.

I can't describe myself in just one word.

There's too many.

I'm simple yet so complex.

Flawed, crazy, lonesome, nervous all the time.

Yet, i'm still at my happiest.

That's all i ever wanted.

For now. At least i have it.

Till then,

Only God knows.

I'll never know.

You'll never know.

Anything can happen.

The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.

I scraped my knees while i was praying...

Hello fellow readers.

It's been too long since i last rambled on here.

Let's look at the last post, shall we?

School started and ended for me, this year.

It doesn't mean that my scholastic year is so over, no way. I like school, i like learning just not learning or be in the school or subjects i used to study about.

I don't miss my old school at all, as weird as it sounds. I like my life better now.

The lesson that i really learned from this experience is that; nothing, really nothing goes according to plan.

I highly suggest for you dear readers that if you're planning your whole life already, seriously you're wasting your time. I wasted mine and hopefully i'm done with that.

Be happy with what you have, be patient, clever and do what you think is right. Never do anything because someone told you so. It's your life, you're going to live it. Not your family, not your best friend or your boyfriend. It's all about you.

&& don't give a crap if someone tries to put you down or tries to make you feel inferior than them. That means that they feel scared shitless and much more inferior than you.

I guess that's it.

I'm happy, you're happy. =)

Take care,

xoxo S.

Brand New Eyes.

Dear You,

The last few days of Summer were the greatest, in fact they were so great that I didn't watch them go by. I had a good summer so far, a bit quiet but good.
I got mostly what i wanted from this Summer which were;
The Job, Rest & i've Experienced new things. Well we always experience new things but let's just say from my point of few, mine were a bit different. I got to know myself better; yes it might sound so lame. Get over it.

School started; finally!

It was exciting.

The classmates...well they look okay, i think?
One of them is really nice her name is Sarah. ^_^ I like it when i make new friends very easily.

I got to see last years' friends; it was a blast :D Same place, almost same clique so yeah!

Last but not least the external friends, HaHa! I mean the friends i've been with this summer, silly :P.

Audrey, which we're spending a lot more time together now, hopefully it will continue like that.
Luke, Paul, Glenn, jeez a lot more i can't think of them all! Oh and yeah last years' friends from my class.

It's really nice passing by the school hallways and wave, nod or stop to talk to some of your friends who are not in your class or you know them from somewhere.
Friends are nice and important. New friends are always welcome. =)

I think this is the sweetest note i've ever left on this blog, i mean by far...
am i right?
If not, oh well, correct me? :P

Take care dear friends & rest of the world.

xoxo
S.

No Regrets.

Why Hello there,

How are you? I hope you're feeling well as much as i do right now. Really.

The last couple of weeks have been a blast.
I've let go of myself; don't take it in the wrong way, actually it's a good thing.
I've let go of the things that made me feel miserable or insecure; now i feel like i'm in a boat in the middle of the ocean, floating, calm; at peace & rest.

Last night was amazing; it was probably one of the summer nights that i can remember right now in which i had no regrets in what i did. I didn't do anything special, i just felt normal, accepted and most importantly loved by my friends.
It was so wondeful seeing a couple of friends which i didn't see for months, thank you guys.

Thank you in all to all of the friends that bring me respect. =)

School is in like; 3 days. Wow. Can't wait actually. It's going to be a hell of a year for sure.
I'm looking forward to it and well; you never know what's going to happen. ;)

Well, What's the Problem?

Hello there,

I've been having such a blast these past few days and hopefully there's more to come.
I'm at my favourite spot. There's a beach over there; where that picture is taken, it's amazing. I don't know why i am so drawn to it, i just love it. In fact one of my dream date is over there. Haha. A walk down at the beach, dim lightning...Right. Let's move along...


Hush now, dearest one;
you know you like it here.
Knowing that you have all the power; freedom to climb all of the trees, jump up in the air.
You wish that the feeling doesn't feel too mutual.
At least you're feeling something instead of the numbness you constantly used to feel.
You're embracing your own company, you love it.
You always do when that happens.
Don't care about the others, they come and go. Just like always. comeandgo!comeandgo!
Why yes, of course, honey.

There is that lighthouse you go to every night.
Sit there quietly; not a single thought or a word comes out, nothing.
Just hearing the sea hitting the rocks.
Then you look up at the sky,
looks like the moon is talking to the stars, they shine brighter when they see you.
You smile softly at them.
Outside; right there it's a little bit chilly, you embrace yourself and you continue to look at the world around; at the future that is yet to come.

It's never over; remember that dearest one.

Silence.

Dear You,

I have no idea what to say. I'm loss for words and I think i lack the inspiration again.

Just so you know, i'm at peace with myself and with everything.
There is nothing left to say, i suppose.

I'm better off without you.

Just so you know; everything you see or hear; it's not always true.
Don't be a fool.

Looking forward to a lot of things....oh life. My life.

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.

With Love,

xox S.

Perspective & Inspiration

For Three days i spent most of the time staring at it. I just love it. The sentence, the glittery stuff, Jesus's face; all of it.

That picture was part of the inspiration that i felt.

Ana & Jean; I loved, i really loved your worships. They were the best. You were the ones that really got me into the Spirit of the whole Conference as i felt His presence.

Who knows what's going to happen next?

All i ever want is to grow much more strongly into His presence as i know that he will never ever let me down, he's the only one that i know he can't ever betray me or replace me even though i could be doing that to him. But He's perfect & i'm not.

In my travels I have found that those who keep Heaven in view remain serene
and cheerful in the darkest day. If the glories of Heaven were more real to
us,
if we lived less for material things and more for things eternal and
spiritual,
we would be less easily disturbed by this present life.

Go ahead & Talk, Your Words Mean Nothing.

Just a few thoughts:

First of - Friday = the best night of Summer 2009...well for now, i'm sure there will be more days. =) Soon, i hope.

It started off with an 'OhMyTickTickHeartDead', i got up sick, missed a day of work, which i missed so badly. Yeah, i like my job.
But, i got better & better. Thank You, Lord.
You allowed me to have my fun for the night. =D
Joslyn & Darren's wedding was really amazing. Awesome food, great service at church, just everything about it was wonderful! Congrats to the very happily married couple ^_^!

Oh && yeah, I of all taken & single girls; got the bridal flowers.
It was my dream to get these flowers since i were a little girl. I've always wanted them so badly that (i think) when i was so innocent & young i'd fight with my cousins to get them. Hah!

So i guess it was my time to shine last night, i loved every minute of it. Thinking back, i still do and when i look at the flowers, i smile; that my cheeks start to hurt a little bit. Still, i know that it's not my time to settle down, yet. Jeez no, i'm only 18 years old!

Of course a relationship can be nice, but i can feel a little intimitaded by it. I don't want to be the girl who clings to a particular guy and just stay that way making up my mind 'forever'. I don't know if forever exists, if it does, it's awesome, i want to have that. But recently, could be today, i've come to terms with myself that 'crushes' are not really good for me. They let you down, you get your hopes up for nothing, most times. Well in my case, i could be very unlucky but who knows, hah! Crushes = Fun vs. No Fun. Their fun is their sensation, how you feel around 'that' one guy. But unfortunately, there's the not so fun side of it. Disappointment.

Don't get me wrong, please, it's just my idea. My ideas are a lot, i think that no one dares to matchmake me with someone because i can be a bit confusing. I just like to prevent myself from getting hurt & feeling dissapointed. I try to keep myself happy around the company that i'm with.

I try to keep in mind; God's Plan for me. Whatever it is, i am very sure that i will get what i deserve, good or bad. It's just that. I'll have my shinny moments, i'll have stuff. I know i won't be happy with what i have, after all, no human is ever happy with what they currently have. We all want more and more, nothing is never enough, nothing can satisfy us.

But God, i think for me God always satisfied me. Never failed. When i'm stupid enough and say he did, i regret it, always. When i step inside at church, i always feel accepted, loved and happy.

The three things i always want from life & everyone. It's just hard, but well, at least i get it from One Great Person. ;)

Rant's Over.

Goodnight.

xoxo S.

All Your Plans & Reveries

Dear you,

I just closed the door, pulled up my hair, stopped the music and started to focus on what I am going to tell you now.

It's been a while since I wrote in this blog that I really hold close to me. Everything you read in here is my life, my experiences; just everything.
I've been lacking inspiration as well as lacking the feeling to write, I’ve been pretty much apathetic.

Motivation is the key to success. Agreed. The things I wanted to do this summer I am doing them; not all of them but still. I’m getting there and I love every minute of it.

Just very happy with my outcomes and with what I have. I don’t want to complain anymore; been there, done that. Having my happiness is much more important than most things that exist in the world.

Xoxo S.

Remember the time when you clung to yourself, you prayed to get there, you prayed for it to be over. You cried and asked yourself, ‘why me?’ The things you said and didn’t mean them made you look pathetic and you know it. You hid them from yourself and from the rest just to look strong, well look how well that turned out for you, yeah? But…wait…look at yourself now. You smile in front of the mirror and believe; believe in the things that you started pulling away from. The forest has vanished, that empty house, the dreams you thought that were fading away; they were just starting before you even knew it.

God loves you enough to get you back onto your feet. I bet He was the one who tried to talk to you back there at the house, remember? Do you? Of course you do. Pain is hard to let go of and just forget. But you’re done now. The reflection of yourself that’s displayed on the mirror is true, you are smiling, and you look good. Keep it up, would you? For me?

You will, I trust you.
You never give up, you always aim higher.

Headsup.

So different now.
Wow, just good. Great.

=)

See you in Summer.

The Control.

Have you ever felt that you're always seem about to lose control?
When sometimes you fail and you will, you say you won't do it again, you regret it then you just can't understand.

Fall in love or fall in hate.
Get inspired or be depressed.
Ace a text or flunk a class.
Make babies or make art.
Speak the truth or lie and cheat.
Dance on tables or sit in the corner.
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself. Breathe.
And enjoy the ride…

The ride is not always fun. You can't just embrace it.

I love my fantasy world more than anything, it's the only thing that doesn't do me harm or make me look pathetic.