Go ahead & Talk, Your Words Mean Nothing.

Just a few thoughts:

First of - Friday = the best night of Summer 2009...well for now, i'm sure there will be more days. =) Soon, i hope.

It started off with an 'OhMyTickTickHeartDead', i got up sick, missed a day of work, which i missed so badly. Yeah, i like my job.
But, i got better & better. Thank You, Lord.
You allowed me to have my fun for the night. =D
Joslyn & Darren's wedding was really amazing. Awesome food, great service at church, just everything about it was wonderful! Congrats to the very happily married couple ^_^!

Oh && yeah, I of all taken & single girls; got the bridal flowers.
It was my dream to get these flowers since i were a little girl. I've always wanted them so badly that (i think) when i was so innocent & young i'd fight with my cousins to get them. Hah!

So i guess it was my time to shine last night, i loved every minute of it. Thinking back, i still do and when i look at the flowers, i smile; that my cheeks start to hurt a little bit. Still, i know that it's not my time to settle down, yet. Jeez no, i'm only 18 years old!

Of course a relationship can be nice, but i can feel a little intimitaded by it. I don't want to be the girl who clings to a particular guy and just stay that way making up my mind 'forever'. I don't know if forever exists, if it does, it's awesome, i want to have that. But recently, could be today, i've come to terms with myself that 'crushes' are not really good for me. They let you down, you get your hopes up for nothing, most times. Well in my case, i could be very unlucky but who knows, hah! Crushes = Fun vs. No Fun. Their fun is their sensation, how you feel around 'that' one guy. But unfortunately, there's the not so fun side of it. Disappointment.

Don't get me wrong, please, it's just my idea. My ideas are a lot, i think that no one dares to matchmake me with someone because i can be a bit confusing. I just like to prevent myself from getting hurt & feeling dissapointed. I try to keep myself happy around the company that i'm with.

I try to keep in mind; God's Plan for me. Whatever it is, i am very sure that i will get what i deserve, good or bad. It's just that. I'll have my shinny moments, i'll have stuff. I know i won't be happy with what i have, after all, no human is ever happy with what they currently have. We all want more and more, nothing is never enough, nothing can satisfy us.

But God, i think for me God always satisfied me. Never failed. When i'm stupid enough and say he did, i regret it, always. When i step inside at church, i always feel accepted, loved and happy.

The three things i always want from life & everyone. It's just hard, but well, at least i get it from One Great Person. ;)

Rant's Over.

Goodnight.

xoxo S.

All Your Plans & Reveries

Dear you,

I just closed the door, pulled up my hair, stopped the music and started to focus on what I am going to tell you now.

It's been a while since I wrote in this blog that I really hold close to me. Everything you read in here is my life, my experiences; just everything.
I've been lacking inspiration as well as lacking the feeling to write, I’ve been pretty much apathetic.

Motivation is the key to success. Agreed. The things I wanted to do this summer I am doing them; not all of them but still. I’m getting there and I love every minute of it.

Just very happy with my outcomes and with what I have. I don’t want to complain anymore; been there, done that. Having my happiness is much more important than most things that exist in the world.

Xoxo S.

Remember the time when you clung to yourself, you prayed to get there, you prayed for it to be over. You cried and asked yourself, ‘why me?’ The things you said and didn’t mean them made you look pathetic and you know it. You hid them from yourself and from the rest just to look strong, well look how well that turned out for you, yeah? But…wait…look at yourself now. You smile in front of the mirror and believe; believe in the things that you started pulling away from. The forest has vanished, that empty house, the dreams you thought that were fading away; they were just starting before you even knew it.

God loves you enough to get you back onto your feet. I bet He was the one who tried to talk to you back there at the house, remember? Do you? Of course you do. Pain is hard to let go of and just forget. But you’re done now. The reflection of yourself that’s displayed on the mirror is true, you are smiling, and you look good. Keep it up, would you? For me?

You will, I trust you.
You never give up, you always aim higher.

Headsup.

So different now.
Wow, just good. Great.

=)

See you in Summer.

The Control.

Have you ever felt that you're always seem about to lose control?
When sometimes you fail and you will, you say you won't do it again, you regret it then you just can't understand.

Fall in love or fall in hate.
Get inspired or be depressed.
Ace a text or flunk a class.
Make babies or make art.
Speak the truth or lie and cheat.
Dance on tables or sit in the corner.
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself. Breathe.
And enjoy the ride…

The ride is not always fun. You can't just embrace it.

I love my fantasy world more than anything, it's the only thing that doesn't do me harm or make me look pathetic.

The Outsider.

There comes a time where you start to think about your life all over, if there would be anything you would ever change.You'll start to think that this is so stupid to think about, yet you still do. Always bearing in your mind. Am i doing the right thing? Is this all wrong? Can't i just go back to when i was... Then you snap out of your day dream and be like, impossible. The happy times are gone. You're in the numbness now, the left one out, now.
Hey, hey, don't give up. Hold on, love.There will come a time when you'll get back on your feet again and you'll smile. That wicked smile of yours, that says; This is where i truely belong.

My heart is filled with love for...

...Music! :D

So i discovered a new band called VersaEmerge.
Well, think about Paramore, but well, they're not the same obviously!

They're amazing :D

Past Praying For is one of the best songs i love right now.

ooh and i got my Panic at the disco, Live in Chicago DVD! :D:D
Thanks mother for the best birthday present ever! <3

To share my joy :P;

I've been way too happy.

I've been really me.

I've forgotten all about my past as i am now, happy in the future.

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.

You can say anything about me
As you please…
But I am what I am
And that’s something,
That you can never be.

The Strong.

No matter how alone you feel, you need to be strong.
No matter how depressed you feel, you need to be strong.

No matter how frustrated you feel, you need to be strong.

No matter how happy you feel, you need to be strong.

Anything you do you have to do it because you're strong.

Don't let yourself to become weak.

Things will get worse.

We are all sinners, we're past that.

If you fall or fail once, make sure that next time you wouldn't.

Being Strong is the key for everything.

The impossible is somehow always possible.

On a great note;

I'm getting the 'Panic at the disco Live in Chicago' DVD =D

So stroked!

Question of the day: How do you feel right at this very moment?

My answer: Just Good. =) God works in amazing ways. Don't let him find you, go out and find him yourself. If you wait, you'll get nothing.